How do you know you've got a habit? You have a habit when you stop noticing you'r
e doing it. The mind is a clever bit of kit. The habit mechanism, which is part of the unconscious mind, functions perfectly well without any conscious intervention. Smokers will tell you that they sometimes don't even remember lighting up, as the habit is so well integrated with their daily ritual. This is the only reason in my opinion why people find it hard to quit. Habits run themselves unconsciously, so trying to consciously stop a habit tends to be quite tricky unless you go about it the right way. In fact trying consciously can make it even worse. As I said before in an earlier blog, trying not do do something reinforces that something in your mind. For example: Try not to think about a nice slice of soft gooey chocolate cake...ummm. You see what I mean!
The way to get a habit is to repeat something over and over again consciously. Just like when you learn your times tables parrot fashion. Once your unconscious picks it up through this repetition, you'll know it forever! You'll have a habit! If you want to stop doing a habit then you have to focus upon the benefits of not having the habit by repeatedly focusing upon these benefits until they becomes the norm. Then what you have is a situation where the mind has the choice of two behaviours where before it only had one. Now with smoking, the habit has been reinforced so many times, (even a twenty a day smoker will be putting their hand to their mouths 200 times a day), that to repeatedly focus on the benefits would be quite a task even though there are many. The old Tony Robbins system of affirmations with visualisation can help, but not always. There are many different ways of doing this, some very effective some not. So for convenience here, another exercise is needed. The brain needs a mechanism in place that leads you towards the new behaviour.
So here's your chance to re direct your brain towards what you really want in a way that should make it impossible to think of the old behaviour without being pulled toward the new behaviour instead.
The following is an exercise that will work for any habit. I'll describe the exercise and then give a pictorial example. First read it through to get the idea, then do it with your eyes closed at the start, it may take a wee bit of practice but trust me this works.
e doing it. The mind is a clever bit of kit. The habit mechanism, which is part of the unconscious mind, functions perfectly well without any conscious intervention. Smokers will tell you that they sometimes don't even remember lighting up, as the habit is so well integrated with their daily ritual. This is the only reason in my opinion why people find it hard to quit. Habits run themselves unconsciously, so trying to consciously stop a habit tends to be quite tricky unless you go about it the right way. In fact trying consciously can make it even worse. As I said before in an earlier blog, trying not do do something reinforces that something in your mind. For example: Try not to think about a nice slice of soft gooey chocolate cake...ummm. You see what I mean!The way to get a habit is to repeat something over and over again consciously. Just like when you learn your times tables parrot fashion. Once your unconscious picks it up through this repetition, you'll know it forever! You'll have a habit! If you want to stop doing a habit then you have to focus upon the benefits of not having the habit by repeatedly focusing upon these benefits until they becomes the norm. Then what you have is a situation where the mind has the choice of two behaviours where before it only had one. Now with smoking, the habit has been reinforced so many times, (even a twenty a day smoker will be putting their hand to their mouths 200 times a day), that to repeatedly focus on the benefits would be quite a task even though there are many. The old Tony Robbins system of affirmations with visualisation can help, but not always. There are many different ways of doing this, some very effective some not. So for convenience here, another exercise is needed. The brain needs a mechanism in place that leads you towards the new behaviour.
So here's your chance to re direct your brain towards what you really want in a way that should make it impossible to think of the old behaviour without being pulled toward the new behaviour instead.
The following is an exercise that will work for any habit. I'll describe the exercise and then give a pictorial example. First read it through to get the idea, then do it with your eyes closed at the start, it may take a wee bit of practice but trust me this works.
It works because your unconscious really does want what's best for you, and will lead you in the right direction, if you give it specific instructions that it can positively follow. If you have a habit, then at the moment your unconscious believes that this habit serves some purpose that benefits you, it's not trying to harm you. Give it something better and it will follow, because that is the way of the universe. You may need to change some beliefs about your habit but that is easy. Do you still believe in the tooth fairy?
Step 1. Form in your minds eye what it is you do or feel just before you do the unwanted behaviour. It could be a feeling or and image or an internal dialogue. To put it another way, find in your mind what it is that brings up the urge to do the behaviour. When you have this image, make it big and bright, adding sounds and feelings if you find that easier. Now the most important part of step 1 is that when you bring up this image it must be associated as if you are really there, looking out of your own eyes. When you have this image, add to it in words or feelings all the things that you hate about the behaviour and it's effect upon you. If you find this hard, then it can sometimes help to actually do the behaviour. This is now your 'ready' picture
Step 2. Put that image aside for a moment.
Step 3. Now I want you to think about how you would be if you didn't have the problem. If you no longer had this habit, how would your life be greatly improved? So form an image of how you would see yourself differently if you were completely free of this habit and how that would make you feel. If you find this tricky, just imagine how you would be. It's important that you are dissociated in this image (as if you are watching yourself as an observer) Keep on adjusting this image until you have a picture in your mind of an image of a new you that really draws you towards it. Take your time and form that image. When you have it, it should be making you feel good, as if you want to smile. If not keep on adjusting it until it does... This is your 'steady' picture
Step 4. Now , Starting with your 'ready' image big and bright and colourful, put a small dark image of your 'steady' image in the lower right hand corner. Now have the small dark 'steady' image explode big and bright and colourful and cover the ready image which will simultaneously shrink and fade small and dark as fast as you can say"GO". Then open your eyes. Repeat this sequence five times opening your eyes after GO every time. Ok so to run through step 4 it's (eyes closed) two images together,GO.(open eyes) and repeat five times. It's important that you do this quickly. As quickly as you can say the word GO!
Step 5. Test it. Try in vain to picture the 'ready' image. What happens? This should be hard to do without your new 'steady' image cutting in. If it doesn't, go back and do it again even faster. You could even test it out with the old behaviour, it will feel somehow wrong. For many people this will wipe out the habit completely!! This will be permanent!
Below is a pictorial representation. It might not be your particular stimuli or ideal but you will get the rough idea. Don't do it with these images, use your own unique images in your mind.... this is just a representation to give you an idea.
If there is no change at all, then describe what you did in the comments section on this blog and I'll find out what you need to change to make it work and return to you.
Step 2. Put that image aside for a moment.
Step 3. Now I want you to think about how you would be if you didn't have the problem. If you no longer had this habit, how would your life be greatly improved? So form an image of how you would see yourself differently if you were completely free of this habit and how that would make you feel. If you find this tricky, just imagine how you would be. It's important that you are dissociated in this image (as if you are watching yourself as an observer) Keep on adjusting this image until you have a picture in your mind of an image of a new you that really draws you towards it. Take your time and form that image. When you have it, it should be making you feel good, as if you want to smile. If not keep on adjusting it until it does... This is your 'steady' picture
Step 4. Now , Starting with your 'ready' image big and bright and colourful, put a small dark image of your 'steady' image in the lower right hand corner. Now have the small dark 'steady' image explode big and bright and colourful and cover the ready image which will simultaneously shrink and fade small and dark as fast as you can say"GO". Then open your eyes. Repeat this sequence five times opening your eyes after GO every time. Ok so to run through step 4 it's (eyes closed) two images together,GO.(open eyes) and repeat five times. It's important that you do this quickly. As quickly as you can say the word GO!
Step 5. Test it. Try in vain to picture the 'ready' image. What happens? This should be hard to do without your new 'steady' image cutting in. If it doesn't, go back and do it again even faster. You could even test it out with the old behaviour, it will feel somehow wrong. For many people this will wipe out the habit completely!! This will be permanent!
Below is a pictorial representation. It might not be your particular stimuli or ideal but you will get the rough idea. Don't do it with these images, use your own unique images in your mind.... this is just a representation to give you an idea.
If there is no change at all, then describe what you did in the comments section on this blog and I'll find out what you need to change to make it work and return to you.
with love
Nigel
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